Etruscan (from Vulci, Lazio, Italy), Sarcophagus Lid with a Husband and Wife, ca. 350-300 BCE, travertine (Museum of Fine Arts, Boston)

im putting together a couple of scottish folk mixes bc that’s what i do and im honestly curious if anyone in my country has ever been unequivocally happy about anything ever

scottish trad music genres:

• Everyone I Love Is Dead
  
• The English Have Stolen All My Sheep
• You Want To Be My Boyfriend? First You Must Answer These Riddles Three
• The Protestants Have Stolen All My Sheep
• I Love You A Lot But You’ve Left Me And It’s Raining [fiddle solo]
• The Sea Is Treacherous, Just Like The English
• One Time Bonnie Prince Charlie Punched Me In The Face And It Was Awesome
• The Fairies Have Stolen All My Sheep

We have of course the traditional Irish music genres to go with them:

* Everyone I Love Is An Allegorical Representation of Ireland

* The English Stole My Farm And Put Sheep On It

* You Were My Boyfriend But Now You Won’t Even Come To The Window To Look Upon Me And Our Dead Infant Child (In The Rain)

* Whack Fol Too La Roo Umptytiddly Good They’ve Stopped Listening Now Let’s Talk About Revolution

* Something In Irish, I Think It’s About Fairies, Or Maybe A Cow

oooo can I add to this? don’t forget Appalachian folk balladry, the American cousin of Scottish and Irish traditional music and just as uplifting as its Anglo-Saxon highland forbears!!!

genres include:

• I Left Everyone I Love Back Home In The Holler To Be With This Guy Who Doesn’t Wear Shoes Or Have Teeth But He Plays A Mean Jug

• The English Told Us Not To Move West Yet, We Ignored Them, My Entire Family Was Killed

• You Were My Boyfriend But You Tied A Sack Of Rocks To My Petticoats And Threw Me In The Creek (And My Baby Too)

• Mama Loves All 14 Of Us A Lot But She’s Weary Of Our Shit And Now She’s Dyin’ (Gather Round)

• The McCleans Stole A Firewood Log From Our Pile So We Won’t Rest Until The Last Of Their Male Kin Is Laid In The Cold Ground

• We Knew The River Would Rise But We Still Didn’t Fix The Levee 

• The River Rose, The Levee Broke, Everyone Died, It Was Just As We Reckoned (dulcimer twang-a-lang) 

• When The Rebels Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Southern Man And I Feed Their Horses My Best, When The Yankees Come A-Marchin’ I’m A Northern Man And I Feed Their Horses What The Rebels Left

• The Tennessee Valley Authority Killed All My Sheep Somehow

Don’t forget that old standby “The Mine Collapsed and Everyone Died”!

I think someone needs to put in a word for the English folk tradition though:

• I Met a Girl and We Went Hunting (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)
• I Met a Girl and We Caught Some Birds (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)
• I Met a Girl and We Found Her Lost Pet (It Was a Metaphor for Sex)
• I Met a Girl By Staying At Her Parents’ House and She Made My Bed (It Was an Especially Thinly-Veiled Metaphor for Sex)
• I Am a Girl and I Regret Engaging In Metaphors for Sex Because Now I’m Pregnant
• I Met a Girl and Bribed Her Into Sex But She Stole My Horse and Ran Away With It
  
• I Met a Girl At an Inn and We Had Non-Metaphorical Sex But She Stole My Stuff The Next Morning and Now I Have Syphilis
  
• Your Fiance Died Either at Trafalgar or Waterloo, Let’s Get Married, I’m Glad You Said No Because I’m Really Him In Disguise
• Lord Nelson Sure Was Awesome
• The Press-Gang Dragged Off All the Important Men in My Life (And Now They Are Dead)
• Farm Laborers Are The Salt of the Earth And Are Never Grindingly Poor
  
• Begging Is a Completely Viable Career Option With Flexible Hours and Unlimited Access to Alcohol
  

behold mongolian folk music genres

• I Went Out Riding and Noticed Mongolia
• We Fought a Bunch of Guys (On Horseback)
• Witness My Many Ungulates
  
• (While On a Horse) I Met a Hot Girl Who Reminded Me of a Plant
• On Three, Say What That Terrain Feature Looks Like to You (One, Two, Three, A Horse)
• Witness My Many Ancestors’ Many Ungulates
• I Also Enjoy Heavy Metal, Especially If It’s Made of Horseshoes
• Oooorrrrweeeeuuurrrreeeeuuuuwwwwwrrrrrrrr (Is Tuvan for “Horse”)
• You Might Not Know This About Me, But I Own a Horse

THE MONGOLIAN FOLK SONGS MADE IT BETTER.

now with more okinawan!

• We Must Plant the Crops, Let’s Get Drunk! 
• We Must Harvest the Crops, Let’s Get Drunk!
  
• There’s No Crops Right Now, Let’s Get Drunk!
  
• Sex On the Beach Is Awesome, War Is Bad
• There Are Ghosts in the Trees
• The Japanese Exploit Us (And the Americans Do Too)
  
• I Love the Sea, This Island Is Beautiful, War Is Still Bad
• Hey, There’s an Old Man, Let’s Get Drunk!
• Respect Your Parents Or You Will Be Lost at Sea Forever
  

As the daughter of a folksinger and spouse of a folklorist, I love this SO MUCH.  Here’s some from the sub-sub-genre of French folk songs of the Midwest…

• I Am A Brawny-Armed Lumberjack Who Loves a Town Girl, Oh No!
  
• Oh Fuck, I Slept With a Fur Trapper, What Shall I Tell Maman?
• Hauling Logs, Rolling Logs, Driving Logs, All Day, What Ho!
• Like Hell You’re Marrying That Good for Nothing Bambocheur!
• Fetch My Gold Ring That Fell Into the Sea!  Now!
• I Met A Sailor While A-Strolling, And Now We Are In Love!
• I Want to Kiss the Sailor I Met A-Strolling, But I’m Afraid My Father Will Find Out!
• Oh Fuck, I Kissed the Sailor I Met A-Strolling And Now We Are Doomed!

Some Italian Folk Music Genres

A Spider Has Bitten Me And If I Do Not Dance I Will Die, Alas

I Am A Very Fancy Man With A Very Fancy Hat

The Cable Car Is A Thinly-Veiled Metaphor For Your Feminine Torture, O Woman

Rome Is The Very Best Place And Every Other Place Is Just Awful

I Love You, But You Are Married

I Love You, But You Are Fickle (Why Did You Dance With The Baker’s Son, Thou Vixen?)

I Love You, But You Left Me All Alone On This Romantic Wind-Swept Hillside, Which Is Actually Very Pretty, But Not As Pretty As You, Foul Temptress

Rome Is Still The Best Place And Every Other Place Can Go Right To Hell

Seriously Once You Have Been To Rome You Will Just Be Sick At The Thought Of Being Anywhere Else, You Will Pine Away And Die

I Love You, But You Are Dead (Or Maybe You Just Went To Live In A Slightly Prettier Place)

Rome, Rome, O Rome, Ah Rome, Rome Rome Rome, Have I Mentioned That I Love Rome?

Venetian Special Genres:

Women Are Like The Ocean: Salty And Full Of Drowned Sailors

Women Are Like The Ocean: I Cannot Figure Them Out At All

I Saw You One Time At A Party And I Have Designs Upon Your Feminine Virtue

I Love You, But You Are Married To The Ocean (For Some Reason)

I thought I would add some Dutch ones, because I saw no one had added any:
- That Girl Is A Prostitute (But At Least She Goes To Church)

- That Incompetent Sailor Is Actually A Girl, But She Will Have Sex With You If You Don’t Kick Her Off The Boat

- Someone Of Any Occupation Is Doing Something, But Unfortunately They Are Now Dead

- Fuck You Spain (Haha, We Sunk Your Boat And Stole Your Silver)

- Fuck You England

- We Might Be Small, But We Will Fight You

- Life Isn’t So Bad, If You Just Go Outside

- Fuck You Winter

- Look At That Guy (Wild Racism)

- We Like Going To Other Countries (More Wild Racism)

- Drinking Is Fun

- Drinking Makes Me Long For Sea

- God Is My Dad

- My Province Is Great And Full Of Nature

Some nice Russian folk songs:

• There Was A War And Everyone is Dead, There’s Also a Symbolic Bird
  
• There is Going to Be a War And Everyone Will Die, There’s Also a Sybmolic Bird
• The Dyeing Is Happening Right Now, There’s Also a Symbolic Bird
• I Had a Dream About Us Dying (No Birds Involved)
• Alas You Are Dead 
• I’m a Bird, I Drink Vodka
• Fuck It’s Cold
  
• Frost Do Not Freeze Me Do Not Freeze My Horse Do Not Freeze My Wife Please I Have Children

And my personal favourite:

• Ayy Lmao This Guys Head Just Got Shot Off, We Are Going to Die Hahaha
  

I just couldn’t miss an opportunity to provide you a comprehensive summary of Ukrainian folk music genres.

~ I Married To A Man And Moved Far From My Home But I Want Fucking Back On My Fucking Land To My Parents And A Guy Whom I Actually Planned To Marry Before My Society’s Patriarchal Structure Destroyed My Life

~ A Guy Whom I Loved Loved Me And Also A Some Other Bitch So I Poisoned Him So That Nobody Gets Him

~ This Is My Land And I Love It Very Much, Period

~ I Made A Traditional Kupala Wreath And Released It On Water To Find My Love, No Sexual Hits Involved

~ I Have A Veeery Deeeeep Well In My Garden, And Also A Veeery Curly-Wurly Cabbage, And Also A Veeery Sweeeet Carrot Growing There, Come On Guys Check It Out, Oh, And There Are Totally No Sexual Hints

~ Graphic Descriptions Of Lesbian Sex

~ Everybody Is Dead After A Battle But There Is One Particular Cossack Whom I Am Especially Obligated To Mourn About Because He Is A Representative Of Our Entire Nation’s Young People

~ The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries

~  The Couple Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries And It’s Compared To Some Sad Shit Happening In Nature

~ Let’s Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine Hahaha Yay!

~Let’s Kill All People Who Threaten Ukraine And Involve Some Couple Who Cannot Be Together Because Of Various Reasons And Everybody Cries

Adding these well-known Cajun hits

~ I have a boat and have procured many crawfish do you love me?

~ I sure do love crawfish, boats, the bayou, and also dancing

~ My girlfriend can cook, and is therefore superior your girlfriend, who cannot

~ my girlfriend cannot cook and is therefore inferior to all other girlfriends

~ I saw you over a pile of crawfish and knew I was in love (on the bayou)

~ a list of regional dishes set to the tune of kitchen utensils

Sadly I’ve never listened to many Malaysian folk songs because they were never my parents’ speed but I’d like to contribute:

- Where the hell is your goat, sir? x8 and my love looks like a peeled egg

- There’s an old parrot on the windowsill x4 and my grandma only has 2 teeth left

- Check out that hot girl over yonder, now pick the fruit (it’s really a poem about manners), check out this hot girl, now let’s ripen a different fruit while sailing (it’s about gratitude)

- We’re now singing about water spinach by the marsh and more foodstuff to be eaten

- LET’S GO HOME x9

- We’re singing about a river now and boy it can beat out the seasons

- This is our mountain and it’s super tall and blue! ❤ ❤ ❤ 

- The frog is sitting by the well, croak croak, and now he fell in and DIED, croaked croaked

- I’m soaking in the pond because my joints hurts, I hope the harvest turns out well; nope, it’s all weeds and my love broke my heart

Chiming in with a few Australian classics such as:

- I’m On A Convict Ship (And I Want To Go Home)

- I Stole A Sheep And Will Literally Commit Suicide Rather Than Go To Jail

- Small-Town Boy Makes Good As A Bushranger, Dies Heroically

- Let’s Have A Sheep-Shearing Race

- The Bush Is Confusing And Beautiful And Now We’re Dead

- Why Is The Rum Gone?

- Seriously, Why Is The Fucking Rum Gone, There Is Literally Nothing Else To Do In This Godforsaken Wasteland

- Birds Are Pretty Cool, I Guess

- No Horse Is As Good Or As Fast As That One Horse Was That Time 

- Fuck The Authorities, Let’s Have A Drink

- Real Blokes Fuck Women (Except When There Aren’t Any)

some jewish folk songs for yall!

- Hello Adonai, Master of the Universe, I’m Here to Sue You On Behalf of the Jewish People

- We Kidnapped Our Family’s Goat Because It Was Sad and We Wanted It To Be Free (There Shouldn’t Be Suffering)

- Food Is Literally So Important

- I’m Meditating Under A Bunch of Trees (It’s Really Hard Not to Cry)

- Shabbat Is Fucking Great

- We’re Not Dead Yet

- Hey Kids, You’re Gonna Endure Suffering But At Least You Can Be Inspired By the Torah

- Detailed Description of What We’re Gonna Have For Dinner Tomorrow (I’m Excited)

- One Day Things Are Gonna Be Better, Even Though It Really Sucks Right Now

- Oh To Be a Cat Sleeping On the Roof

- This Candle Has The Souls of My Ancestors In It (Let’s Get Drunk)

- I Love This Girl And We are Getting Married In 24 Hours (My Mom is Making Some Food)

Every time I see this there are new additions to entertain me. :D 

Might as well add some Czech folk songs like:

- I Am Alone, When I Take Care Of My Horses, I Am Also Alone When I Have Sex With My Girlfriend Somehow

- Son, Did You Plow The Field? I Didn’t. Son, You’re A Failure!

- Girl, You Lost Your Geese, Go Find Them

- You Are A Bird, So I Will Ask You About Our Country’s Agriculture

- We Can’t Be Together Because You’re Richer Than Me

- I Will Become A Priest And All The Girls Will Cry

- There’s A Cat And A Dog, Now Let’s State Obvious Things About The Weather 

- I Will Take Care Of A Plant

- I Will Kill Animals To Make This Girl Like Me

- The Dog Is Jumping

- I Will Go To War Instead Of Paying For The Property I Destroyed

- I’m Pissed At This Lake Because There’s Too Much Water And Me And My Friend Can’t Go Around It (Possibly Gay, Probably Not)

 I’d add some andalusian/spanish medieval ones and also sephardic ones (can be into the jewish section-or in the general spanish-andalusian medieval) without particular distinction :

-Oh The  Moorish Queen Who Was Christian Before, Wants a Slave, Let’s Get Her Pregnant Sister, Kill Her Husband And Exchange Children.

-Mom, I’ve Dreamed Something Beautiful. Daughter, You’re Prophetising Your Future Incestuous Marriage With Your Brother and His Death.

-Oh This Boy Has a Fixation With a Misterious Girl And He Is Jealous Of The River. Girl’s Drowns In The River. Boy Was Right All Along (Matarile-rile-rile-ró).

-My Boyfriend Is a Crockery Painter, That’s it.

-I’m a Prostitute And I’m Transfixed By Green Eyes of a Client Who’s Gonna Stay With Me One (1) Night. He’s The Most Unromantic Person, He’ Just Want to Give Me a Dress.

-Seven (F*cking Delicious) Ways to Cook the Eggplant.

- Tarara Is an Excentric Girl With a Pimple In The Ass. It’s a Major Event For The Community To Go To See It Burst, so Come and Take a Seat.

-This Man is Giving Water to His Horse and SIngs, Mum, I Think I Love Him. Ok, I’ll Kill You Both. God Transforms Them into Plants. Mum Kill Them Again. God Transforms Them into Animals. Mum Kills Them Again. God Transforms Them into Poisonous Waters. Mum Gets a Bath and Dies.

Incredible. They're so close to getting it.

In honor of me approaching my first 6 months mark as a flight attendant, here are some highlights from my time in this job:

• When a lady stopped me gently to whisper that i had “mastered the art of kindness”
• When an elderly woman told me i was “put on earth to be a flight attendant”
• Each and every time someone complimented my nails
• When i found an $8000 diamond watch left behind under a seat, gave it to a gate agent, only to have the passenger come running back 10 minutes later. Gate agent: man u wouldve been in trouble, huh? Man whom looked like a bond villain: i wouldve been SHOT.
• Every lesbian ive worked with and had the nice bonding moment of “ur gay?? Im gay!!”
• That time a man tried to get huffy with me because he wasnt in 1st class and i got to say “sir u can either sit in this seat or u can sit in a seat in the terminal while u wait to take the next flight”
• When i had an emergency landing because the pilots lost steering and we all thought we were gonna die but then we didn’t and everyone just applauded the landing and didnt even complain about the 2 hour delay
• When my flight was delayed for 3 hours because the plane wouldnt start so the crew and i just took a really long nap in the jetway
• Every 4 and 5 star hotel ive stayed at for free
• When we overnighted in the middle of nowhere in alabama and went to a sports bar at midnight. The bartender locked the door so it was just him and us and his friend, and we all got super drunk on obscure alcohols and i kicked everyones ass at pool
• That time i had an emergency landing because one pilot had such explosive diarrhea that the other 2 pilots had to wear oxygen masks
• When we overnighted in a casino resort in new orleans and ended up drunk on margaritas and playing blackjack with a bunch of old people at 2pm
• Every little kid on my flights
• Every dog i got to pet on my flights
• When we were flying to nyc during julliard recruitments and half the seats were taken up by cellos
• Being in airports late at night and seeing people sleep in the weirdest places because they just dont care (bathroom floors, under gate agent desks, etc)
• When a woman forgot her actual baby on the plane
• Woman: can i board first? Gate agent: are u special needs, active military or priority? Woman: no i just want to board first. Gate agent: maam i have 70 other people who also want to board first, im not looking for a line leader.
• My very first working flight, when a man pointed to my necklace and said “is that a ball gag?” And, in my shock, i said “no, im gay”

• That time a ramp agent came up to me holding up his phone and said “wanna see something weird?” and i said yes, reservedly, thinking it might be gross but then he held out his phone and it was just a picture of hundreds of paradise birds that we were apparently flying to a zoo

I have now been a flight attendant for 3 years and 2020 has been a dumpster fire in so many ways, including but not limited to the travel industry, but here are some highlights from this past year in particular

• The old woman on my plane who saw a teenager was having a panic attack and immediately moved to sit with her and brought her so much comfort she was able to fall asleep
• Working a flight with only 4 passengers so we all played Cards Against Humanity
• Everyone who has very gently said “Stay safe” rather than “Goodbye”
• Complimenting passengers’ fun masks and being complimented in return
• The anxiety service dogs at the Philly airport wearing vests that say Stress Relief
• The little girl in the airport who begged me to french braid her hair like mine (and her very apologetic mother)
• The barista at the airport cafe who gave me free lattes every week for two months because I always came by around closing time
• The beachside resort my FA and I got stuck at in key west for 3 days around my birthday because of a hurricane. If you’re gonna get stuck somewhere because of a hurricane, it might as well be a beachside resort with bottomless margaritas
• Each time I reunited with a flight attendant/pilot friend in an airport or at a hotel or on an airplane. It always feels like a little gift
• Speaking of gifts, every passenger that has ever given me anything but especially the man that brought freshly made muffins from his bakery for the crew last month, they were divine
• The flight attendant I worked with on Halloween who watched a horror movie marathon with me at the hotel even though he was terrified of scary movies
• Every aircraft cleaner
• Every hotel cleaner
• Every unaccompanied minor on my flights, who always make me feel like a temporary big sister
• The time my roommate (also a flight attendant) got a flat tire while in the airport parking garage and no less than 3 different pilots stopped to help us change it
• Flight crew game nights in our hotel rooms
• The beach overnight on the last day of summer when my pilot and I (drunkenly) decided to go swimming in the ocean at midnight
• The flight attendant who approached me in a hotel lobby and said we had flown together two years earlier, just after she’d been hired, and she’d wanted to fly with me again ever since
• The nurse on my flight who, when the passenger beside her began seizing, leapt into action and saved her life
• The tween girl who wanted to be a flight attendant and had us quiz her on airport codes (she got every single one correct 😳)
• All the flight crew members who regularly help me steal supplies from the aircrafts (gloves, masks, water bottles, sani wipes etc) to bring to Philly’s homeless camps and protesters

We live under capitalism and its rule seems inescapable. I’m eager for the days when covid is just a bad memory, and the quality of and access to healthcare is such that, come the next virus, no one has to choose between paying rent or paying a hospital bill. I’m eager for the days when rent and paychecks are a thing of the past, when we work for the pleasure of working, without the pressure of being born into a world run by money and the men who control it.

In the meantime, all we have is each other, and I’ve been very lucky to have spent my time with so many generous, soft-handed people who have made this year not only bearable, but often enjoyable in spite of the rest. I have been very lucky to work a job that I (mostly) love, even if it is part of an industry that cares only for numbers, not people.

We can only keep moving in that direction, helping others along as we go. 💌

Me, Catholic, walking into a Protestant church with no depictions of Mary: where’s my mom

Me, culturally Protestant, walking into a Catholic church filled balls to the walls with paintings sculptures candles and god knows what else: why’s there so much stuff

Me, Orthodox, walking into a western church:  w h e r e   a r e   t h e   b o n e s

Me, vampire, walking into any denominational holy place: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Me, culturally catholic, walking into a protestant church without very much images and golden stuff: OKAY WHERE’S THE DRAMA?